Nazwan As'ad

to my kesayangan Nazwan As'ad... happy birthday..cutest 3 years old kid in mummy's and daddy's heart...




Selalu mummy marah-marah....garang...but in the end, he still my number one...Love you sayang,tolong jangan nakal-nakal sangat..jangan buli mummy selalu..

He is autistic...but we love him very very much...and always.

Ya. We finally got the reviews result. My suspicion is confirmed. Zuan is diagnosed with autism and feature of ADHD... and how we reacted? My husband was a bit blur..my stepmom even worse..never heard of it. i've done some reading before, so i am not as blur as my husband...but still some sadness feeling creeping in my heart, he will never be as normal as other kid as his age.

He is almost 3 now,yet his gross and fine motor development is far behind from his peers. He is now attending intervention class twice a week and i hope he can improve from there. I really want him to have 5 days a week intervention class but we cannot afford it for the time being. It will cost us a 1K plus a month at Cita-cita (Intervention centre for autistic children).

I will need to discuss a life plan for Zuan with my husband.

Speaking of my husband, he is still 'stranded' in Kuching. I pray hard to God so that he would be transferred out back to KK. I need him! We need him!

And i have been absent since tuesday. I felt terrible skipping class but i don't have much choice. Zuan was not well, my stepmom has been hospitalized and ordered to continue bed-rest at home. So it was only 'I' left to take care of the family. What a life kan? still stuck here.. haha..

I haven't finish my driving lesson.. suppose to take the JPJ test but i am scared that i will screw it up. So? what to do..I will wait for my long semester break and will finish it, and get my driving license. Cross fingers. :)

To all my blogger readers, thanks for still reading..and for those blog that i am following, i still read your blog... i might just didn't put my marks there...

nite everyone..need to take a nap now that it is 5 minutes to 1 am in the morning and i have to get up at 4.30 later...need to cook Zuan food before go to school at 6 am.Hopefully Zuan will stay asleep and only wake up when i already gone...:P. kesian if he wakes up too early..

tata untuk sekarang.

Somehow, please be human..

I don't know what happen to the people's attitude nowadays.

Does it mean that their 'customer service' or 'public relation' skill has been upgraded now that you can be rude to people?

Maybe you still need to practice right?

I worked as a Human Resource and Customer Representative before and i know sometimes you might feel tired and angry when people like 'tak faham and asyik tanya benda-benda yang kita x tau' but then, still put a smile on your face and try to answer people reasonably.

"Kalau nda tau tu..pandai-pandai la ngarang ba..."

I am not angry. not at all... :) just giving myself a reminder that i will not be rude to other people.

I skipped my APK class today. My son grandma went for the annual skin review and i had to stay home with Zuan. Thank God i don't have to skip my tutorial at 2 just now. I managed to come. I realized that learning syntax challenge my grammar knowledge. Quoting Audee "...that is way i hate grammar". i think i need to open my grammar bible more often.

Zuan review for hearing finally done. As what we hoped, his hearing is okay. Next, he will undergo speech and behavioural review. Hope it will not take too long because i really want him to start intervention class really soon and i can get a letter from the doctor to get my husband transfer back in kk. How i miss our life together...uhuk uhuk!!

Bah. itu jak la.Sejuk tul library ni.

Blessed be everyone..

commit suicide

hah? who? when? what happened?
..........

well..it is not too late to say happy new year rite? happy new year, any new resolutions? :P

i seem to be less and less interested in blogging...not that i have nothing to say or share anymore but it feels like i lost my words...so much to tell but my head never want to cooperate with my fingers. always, i will end up in draft.

today, it feels like i want to jot something..my sister send me early in the morning to UMS (as usual) and i was so sleepy just now that i was not aware texting ain that i want to wash my hair at Kg. E...wakakakaka...
she must be startled coz my sms look really-really real.

class will start at 11 later..way up to DKP 3.Hopefully the lecturer will not make me sleepy. (but she is so boring....how can i tahan?) why every semester i have to 'encounter' some boring lecturer? chewah.. encounter lagi tu.but ironically,its like i have to feel sleepy and sleep during the lecture in order to get better grade.. ahaha...*coughing - where did i learnt that formula? But praise Allah coz i got way much better grade last semester..didn't expect it.

Zuan woke up late this morning. Usually he will throw tantrum when he wake up late but today, at 5.30 in the morning, he just sat at the couch and watch Playhouse Disney. Easy for me to let him finish his early morning drink. To all my blog readers which follow Zuan story, he is 2 and half now but he is still no talk. He still undergo his check-ups (that i feel never ending) and i really- really want it over quickly so that i can let him in the intervention class for a special kid. His psychomotor seem so slow developing but i really try hard to train him whenever i'm home. One of my accomplishment training him is that, he now recognize his favorite food and slowly pick it up to his mouth. It is like a 6,7 month psychomotor development but yalah..he is different right? he is still not chew his food (and thats why, he is still on soft cooked rice) and he is very picky about the food color. If i put some kuah ayam kicap on his food, he will be reluctant to open his mouth (tapi makan juga la).

As he still not yet able to talk, people somehow don't understand what he wants. He will end up dragging your hand to the thing that he want. But still, he is clever. if he don't like the show that you are watching on tv, he will turn the tv and the astro off. suka hati dia jak tekan remote..and if he don't have the remote, he will go to the tv and the astro decoder and turn it off.  i shouldn't let him touch the electrical devices but he is uncontrollable! Pandai curi-curi ni..suddenly laju jak berlari then 'tup' dah off tu tv.

Marah pun tak guna, seems he is so forgetful that balik-balik marah pun, balik-balik juga dibuatnya. Have to take care of him betul-betul lah..coz now bukan saja pandai on off tv, he also know how to on off the lights!! Tak sampai dengan tangan, manjat!!

Want to upload his latest photo but rasa leceh sebab my lappy have no bluetooth device and malas to connect - connect USB.. in my next post la..soon.. (wah? have next post? how soon?) One thing i can guarantee, dia tetap handsome..haha..hei! even he is different from others, but he still my number one!



bah, as usual, will update again.Blessed be...

p.s: post title- saja suka-suka...

..Assignments, Mejar H and Zuan?

Salam...puasa ka nda oo?

Sempena Bulan Ramadhan Bulan Baik ni...marilah kita sama - sama buat kebaikan...tambah - tambahkan amalan baik kita tu...ngumpat2 tu kurang -kurang kan... (even though today i feels like mau mengumpat jak)

 No la.. just a tidbit to make sure this blog still alive...my last post macam 7 tahun yang lalu lagi....sian juga follower ku yang mungkin tertanya -tanya hidup ka lagi blog ni ka tidak..

da dua kali puasa sejak bergelar student ni...and sejak tu la juga aku puasa sendiri.. huhu.. yalah... bapanya Zuan di Kuching...sedih tau...daddy..? bila la transfer...

Pelik? Mejar H? ahahaha.....
"look at you...dress like the cleaner...even the cleaner is look smarter than you...and you...look like a reload coupon seller..." and the phrase "showing off your b*&^%t" ngehee....padas jugala sikit....tapi kali dia memang gitu kan....
so lesson learned..please wear a decent and 'un-showing' clothing when attending his class.. :)

I feels like i haven't learned anything since mula sem ni...ntahla..engine ka yang nda pandai panas or memang rasa cam sem ni blur jak... lot of things bah happening around...sampai nda tau la mo cakap apa..assignment? banyak..tapi lum juga start buat....(ni mo buat la ni....)

And as for Zuan update...no comment...i was so frustrated with what had happened, i cannot even narrate anymore...thanks to the kind hearted kakak at HQE, she managed to calm my anger that day and i can re-schedule Zuan appointment..kepada lagi 3 bulan akan datang...ya..baiklah....
*sigh*
KALAU MACAM NI PA MACAMLA? MAKIN LAMA LA DAPAT RESULT..MAKIN LAMA LA ZUAN BOLEH ATTEND INTERVENTION CLASS!!!!!! (marah tahap dewa)

bah...itu jak la....jangan risau..saya masih baca blog kamurang kawan-kawan...tapi mungkin xdala footprint...yalah..lama nda online..ni pun pinjam stacey punya laptop..thanks staze...

p/s: nda lama lagi raya...dah shopping kamurang?

So sorry my love..

*sigh*
 i thought i was supposed to bring Zuan to the ENT specialist clinic today. His last appointment at Kuching GH. Turned out it was the wrong date!!! i supposed to bring him week ago..on the 2nd of July!!! How can i didn't check the date back then? i have a month to check bah! Instead i konon konon hold on to my wrong memory. i mistaken the date with the time. see, the appintment should be on the 2nd July, 9 am. and i stupidly remember 9th july, 9 am.just because me and hubby argue about the time the other day.

i feel very disappointed now. Why? because he almost done bah! Only his right ear that need to be checked. And ENT here give 15ml of sedative compared to KK ENT that just give 5ml..no wonder Zuan bangun balik...

then called KK ENT just now, hoping that i can get appointment for Zuan next week. Not available, he can only do the test on 26th august. I wrote it down, put it in my phone apps so that i will never wrong. Hm..tem posa lagi tu...ada cuti sem ka tu aa? ka bz kami mid term..mati la....have to check back  my schedule..

bah..busy ni main fairyland di facebook..hahaha...best....

see you..muahmuah!!

Nazwan: First Check Up - Appointment with an audiometrist

Last Thursday, i went to see the 'Pakar Perubatan Keluarga' . i thought i was going to meet a paediatrician but it turned out the doctor is a 'Pakar Perubatan keluarga'. I've been asked a lot of questions regarding of Zuan's development from smiling onwards. And i must admit that i was not very sure for some of my answers. I feels like i'm not a competence mother..how can i became not sure..? *sigh*

so the doctor refer Zuan to the audiometrist first.
Zuan appointment will be on the 15th of March. sadly, his daddy is not around, if not, we can go together. have to absent classes that day..no choice, i cannot let his grandma take him herself. enough of trouble-soming her.

Any sign for Autism? i've been scolded for mentioning that. I'm not bah..just that my thinking was being 'poisoned' by my parents..

"kamu mau ka anak kamu ada autisme?kamu doa - doa la"

no...i really hope zuan is just delayed in speech..nothing more than that... but the checklist...

another *sigh* will update soon, now i am busy with my mid term..

My ZuaN Dearest

i stumbled upon an  Autism site and suddenly it knocked my head. i did some reading and checklist. Feels like i cannot accept it at first,but now i admit that i must redha and tawakal for everything that happen. God has planned it this way.But i'll do everything for my Zuan. and i hope that this is just my over reacting feeling..terlebih - lebih.

Autism Checklist



Difficulty in mixing with other children  = he will sometime look uncomfortable and isolate himself - check
Insistence on sameness; resists changes in routine = i'm not aware of this
Inappropriate laughing and giggling = sometimes, i misunderstood it as he being happy - check

No real fear of dangers = he don't even know the dangers!! - check

Little or no eye contact = hard to have eye contact - check

Sustained odd play = i'm not aware of this
Apparent insensitivity to pain = no wonder everytime went to the clinic for his injection, he barely cry..

Echolalia ( repeating words or phrases in place of normal language ) = i'm not aware of this but he stop babling suddenly few weeks back...

Prefers to be alone; aloof manner = i'm not aware of this

May not want cuddling or act cuddly = obviously.can only hug him when he want to
Spins objects = his favorite.. :(

Not responsive to verbal cues; acts as deaf = it is not easy to call him by his name...need to try hard..
Inappropriate attachment to objects = plastic tumbler/cup, cans
Difficulty in expressing needs; uses gestures or pointing instead of words = yup..totally
Noticeable physical overactivity or extreme underactivity = sometimes he runs all the time..
Tantrums - displays extreme distress for no apparent reason =not yet showing any that cannot be controlled
Unresponsive to normal teaching methods = *sigh*
Uneven gross/fine motor skills. (May not want to kick ball but can stack blocks.) = throwing things around but don't want to put it back in place.

This thursday, i have an appointment with the child specialist. I hope i can have better advice. I know, this is almost hard for me to accept but i know, he is my precious.. and i will love him no matter what.. i am not suppose to grieve right? People might not understand my Zuan and i'll make sure no one bully him.

" Dear God, please help me to get through this situation.Help me to be calm and patient with him and let me love him more and more everyday. Amin"