Nazwan As'ad

to my kesayangan Nazwan As'ad... happy birthday..cutest 3 years old kid in mummy's and daddy's heart...




Selalu mummy marah-marah....garang...but in the end, he still my number one...Love you sayang,tolong jangan nakal-nakal sangat..jangan buli mummy selalu..

"kenapa juga dia tu?"

*warning : Post ini dalam bahasa melayu..sila guna google translate if tak faham..

Penat aku. Betul. Tak lah juga aku marah..nda...cuma penat sebab asyik-asyik ditanya soalan yang sama, berbuih sudah mulut kita membagitau, buang karan jak aku bercakap. So to those yang masih tidak tahu, sila klik link ini..------> Apa itu Autism dan link -link yang sepatutnya kamu klik untuk lebih lanjut------> Info Lebih . Tanya aku lebih - lebih pun, sama juga kita,masih lagi belajar benda ni.

Kalau ada sesiapa yang baca blog ni, (yang ada kena mengena dengan aku) sila faham akan perasaan aku. Jangan pula diperbesarkan sampai aku terpaksa buat explanation. :)

Geram. Bila ada orang yang cakap buah hati pengarang jantungku macam-macam. Tak ada harapanlah, cakap yang bukan-bukan, for example; menyarankan anak aku makan buat penenang (anti depressant) sebab anak aku nda reti duduk diam. Mau jak ku jerit depan muka dorang tu, "Tau kah juga kamu bezanya perilaku berulang dengan hyperaktif?" Lupa pula. Kamu nda buat effort pun untuk membaca!!! Buang masa jak aku membebel nanti. (mangsanya: readers blog aku. Sorry aa.meluahkan perasaan)

Kadang-kadang bertanya tentang terapi yang Zuan buat di Queen and Mesra, ingatkan tanya dengan ikhlas, rupanya mengasi down orang punya perasaan. Palui tul lah. Of course aku memang mengharapkan Zuan akan lebih banyak perubahan positif, jangan lah pula tanya aku nanti samada Zuan akan normal macam budak lain atau tidak. Of course lah tidak senormal biasa. Lupa! Kamu tidak membaca.

Dahlah. Malas mau membebel. Paper Arab tadi pun teruk. Nda palah..abis sudah juga paper Arab. Redha jak lah. Ada lagi empat paper exam. Belajar.

* Ini blog post yang tertunda, jadi bukan hari ni marahnya,geramnya...just luahan perasaan...

sekian, peace.

He is autistic...but we love him very very much...and always.

Ya. We finally got the reviews result. My suspicion is confirmed. Zuan is diagnosed with autism and feature of ADHD... and how we reacted? My husband was a bit blur..my stepmom even worse..never heard of it. i've done some reading before, so i am not as blur as my husband...but still some sadness feeling creeping in my heart, he will never be as normal as other kid as his age.

He is almost 3 now,yet his gross and fine motor development is far behind from his peers. He is now attending intervention class twice a week and i hope he can improve from there. I really want him to have 5 days a week intervention class but we cannot afford it for the time being. It will cost us a 1K plus a month at Cita-cita (Intervention centre for autistic children).

I will need to discuss a life plan for Zuan with my husband.

Speaking of my husband, he is still 'stranded' in Kuching. I pray hard to God so that he would be transferred out back to KK. I need him! We need him!

And i have been absent since tuesday. I felt terrible skipping class but i don't have much choice. Zuan was not well, my stepmom has been hospitalized and ordered to continue bed-rest at home. So it was only 'I' left to take care of the family. What a life kan? still stuck here.. haha..

I haven't finish my driving lesson.. suppose to take the JPJ test but i am scared that i will screw it up. So? what to do..I will wait for my long semester break and will finish it, and get my driving license. Cross fingers. :)

To all my blogger readers, thanks for still reading..and for those blog that i am following, i still read your blog... i might just didn't put my marks there...

nite everyone..need to take a nap now that it is 5 minutes to 1 am in the morning and i have to get up at 4.30 later...need to cook Zuan food before go to school at 6 am.Hopefully Zuan will stay asleep and only wake up when i already gone...:P. kesian if he wakes up too early..

tata untuk sekarang.

Somehow, please be human..

I don't know what happen to the people's attitude nowadays.

Does it mean that their 'customer service' or 'public relation' skill has been upgraded now that you can be rude to people?

Maybe you still need to practice right?

I worked as a Human Resource and Customer Representative before and i know sometimes you might feel tired and angry when people like 'tak faham and asyik tanya benda-benda yang kita x tau' but then, still put a smile on your face and try to answer people reasonably.

"Kalau nda tau tu..pandai-pandai la ngarang ba..."

I am not angry. not at all... :) just giving myself a reminder that i will not be rude to other people.

I skipped my APK class today. My son grandma went for the annual skin review and i had to stay home with Zuan. Thank God i don't have to skip my tutorial at 2 just now. I managed to come. I realized that learning syntax challenge my grammar knowledge. Quoting Audee "...that is way i hate grammar". i think i need to open my grammar bible more often.

Zuan review for hearing finally done. As what we hoped, his hearing is okay. Next, he will undergo speech and behavioural review. Hope it will not take too long because i really want him to start intervention class really soon and i can get a letter from the doctor to get my husband transfer back in kk. How i miss our life together...uhuk uhuk!!

Bah. itu jak la.Sejuk tul library ni.

Blessed be everyone..

commit suicide

hah? who? when? what happened?
..........

well..it is not too late to say happy new year rite? happy new year, any new resolutions? :P

i seem to be less and less interested in blogging...not that i have nothing to say or share anymore but it feels like i lost my words...so much to tell but my head never want to cooperate with my fingers. always, i will end up in draft.

today, it feels like i want to jot something..my sister send me early in the morning to UMS (as usual) and i was so sleepy just now that i was not aware texting ain that i want to wash my hair at Kg. E...wakakakaka...
she must be startled coz my sms look really-really real.

class will start at 11 later..way up to DKP 3.Hopefully the lecturer will not make me sleepy. (but she is so boring....how can i tahan?) why every semester i have to 'encounter' some boring lecturer? chewah.. encounter lagi tu.but ironically,its like i have to feel sleepy and sleep during the lecture in order to get better grade.. ahaha...*coughing - where did i learnt that formula? But praise Allah coz i got way much better grade last semester..didn't expect it.

Zuan woke up late this morning. Usually he will throw tantrum when he wake up late but today, at 5.30 in the morning, he just sat at the couch and watch Playhouse Disney. Easy for me to let him finish his early morning drink. To all my blog readers which follow Zuan story, he is 2 and half now but he is still no talk. He still undergo his check-ups (that i feel never ending) and i really- really want it over quickly so that i can let him in the intervention class for a special kid. His psychomotor seem so slow developing but i really try hard to train him whenever i'm home. One of my accomplishment training him is that, he now recognize his favorite food and slowly pick it up to his mouth. It is like a 6,7 month psychomotor development but yalah..he is different right? he is still not chew his food (and thats why, he is still on soft cooked rice) and he is very picky about the food color. If i put some kuah ayam kicap on his food, he will be reluctant to open his mouth (tapi makan juga la).

As he still not yet able to talk, people somehow don't understand what he wants. He will end up dragging your hand to the thing that he want. But still, he is clever. if he don't like the show that you are watching on tv, he will turn the tv and the astro off. suka hati dia jak tekan remote..and if he don't have the remote, he will go to the tv and the astro decoder and turn it off.  i shouldn't let him touch the electrical devices but he is uncontrollable! Pandai curi-curi ni..suddenly laju jak berlari then 'tup' dah off tu tv.

Marah pun tak guna, seems he is so forgetful that balik-balik marah pun, balik-balik juga dibuatnya. Have to take care of him betul-betul lah..coz now bukan saja pandai on off tv, he also know how to on off the lights!! Tak sampai dengan tangan, manjat!!

Want to upload his latest photo but rasa leceh sebab my lappy have no bluetooth device and malas to connect - connect USB.. in my next post la..soon.. (wah? have next post? how soon?) One thing i can guarantee, dia tetap handsome..haha..hei! even he is different from others, but he still my number one!



bah, as usual, will update again.Blessed be...

p.s: post title- saja suka-suka...

hi...my name is....

ngarang jak tajuk di atas..mau tulis something jak ba d blog..sian my fellow followers.....uhuhukkk...xda jak update dari saya nie...

tunggu saya on semester break ya... now masih struggle baca buku.....

see you soon...

Jujurlah padaku...

I don't know what is wrong with my eyes..but i think i have a serious problem in identifying people without looking at them closely..This morning, i thought i met my classmate on the way to the faculty. Seeing the person way of dressing, i was very confident that it was her. I almost waved at her when i realised i didn't recognise the friend that tag along. The girl must terperasan  i was starring at her as she turn her head towards me. I smiled sweetly at her. Mesti dia tertanya-tanya kan..

Then still smiling to myself, i settle down my things at the table outside the classroom when i caught a glimpse of her *again* ..this time i was almost so confident because she was wearing the usual creamy pink baju kurung she always wear. I was ready to wave at her when once again, its not her!!! Astagfirullah!! napa juga mata ni pagi-pagi buta? The distance between us is not more than 15 metres and her face is already blur in my eyes? patut mau cek sudah ni mata ni....buta sudah...

So again..there my smile goes..huahaha...its okay...senyum itu satu sedekah...
i thought i really saw her this time...walking with someone at the foyer near the computer lab. ni kali la..memang dia lai ni.... of course i was so confident, looking at the way she dress this time, baju blaus dan skirt putih..but then, its not her..again...so i keep my hand down and put a smile on...i know..she didn't notice me..not like the two girls before.

Finally, i saw her outside the classroom. This time, its really her. untuk tidak kempunan mau melambai Joan, saya lambai juga dia..hahahahaha

eh, apa kena mengena tajuk post sama story ni? nothing..just the song that keep singing in my head, i cannot get rid of it...

And i am suppose to finish my blog analysis thingy..one assignment from Mejar H. ( met him at 1Borneo last friday, and he was starring at me like he saw something ugly..erg....yalah..hari tu jalan dress macam mama mama...but then, its true..i am a mom what..:) hehehe..if he critisize about my dressing that friday in his next class i have one answer for him..: yes, i'm a mom..)
Instead, i update my blog..hahaha

to all my blog friends...i still read your blogs, i just didn't leave my 'bitemarks' ngeheee....so don't worry about once a month update...if i have extra extra time, i will update more..

p/s : i'm thinking to dedicate this blog to my son Zuan..ya..of course...he is too special for me..its no harm writing about something you love right? but still in thinking process...

nah.jam 11 sudah... off to next lesson.now.

..Assignments, Mejar H and Zuan?

Salam...puasa ka nda oo?

Sempena Bulan Ramadhan Bulan Baik ni...marilah kita sama - sama buat kebaikan...tambah - tambahkan amalan baik kita tu...ngumpat2 tu kurang -kurang kan... (even though today i feels like mau mengumpat jak)

 No la.. just a tidbit to make sure this blog still alive...my last post macam 7 tahun yang lalu lagi....sian juga follower ku yang mungkin tertanya -tanya hidup ka lagi blog ni ka tidak..

da dua kali puasa sejak bergelar student ni...and sejak tu la juga aku puasa sendiri.. huhu.. yalah... bapanya Zuan di Kuching...sedih tau...daddy..? bila la transfer...

Pelik? Mejar H? ahahaha.....
"look at you...dress like the cleaner...even the cleaner is look smarter than you...and you...look like a reload coupon seller..." and the phrase "showing off your b*&^%t" ngehee....padas jugala sikit....tapi kali dia memang gitu kan....
so lesson learned..please wear a decent and 'un-showing' clothing when attending his class.. :)

I feels like i haven't learned anything since mula sem ni...ntahla..engine ka yang nda pandai panas or memang rasa cam sem ni blur jak... lot of things bah happening around...sampai nda tau la mo cakap apa..assignment? banyak..tapi lum juga start buat....(ni mo buat la ni....)

And as for Zuan update...no comment...i was so frustrated with what had happened, i cannot even narrate anymore...thanks to the kind hearted kakak at HQE, she managed to calm my anger that day and i can re-schedule Zuan appointment..kepada lagi 3 bulan akan datang...ya..baiklah....
*sigh*
KALAU MACAM NI PA MACAMLA? MAKIN LAMA LA DAPAT RESULT..MAKIN LAMA LA ZUAN BOLEH ATTEND INTERVENTION CLASS!!!!!! (marah tahap dewa)

bah...itu jak la....jangan risau..saya masih baca blog kamurang kawan-kawan...tapi mungkin xdala footprint...yalah..lama nda online..ni pun pinjam stacey punya laptop..thanks staze...

p/s: nda lama lagi raya...dah shopping kamurang?

So sorry my love..

*sigh*
 i thought i was supposed to bring Zuan to the ENT specialist clinic today. His last appointment at Kuching GH. Turned out it was the wrong date!!! i supposed to bring him week ago..on the 2nd of July!!! How can i didn't check the date back then? i have a month to check bah! Instead i konon konon hold on to my wrong memory. i mistaken the date with the time. see, the appintment should be on the 2nd July, 9 am. and i stupidly remember 9th july, 9 am.just because me and hubby argue about the time the other day.

i feel very disappointed now. Why? because he almost done bah! Only his right ear that need to be checked. And ENT here give 15ml of sedative compared to KK ENT that just give 5ml..no wonder Zuan bangun balik...

then called KK ENT just now, hoping that i can get appointment for Zuan next week. Not available, he can only do the test on 26th august. I wrote it down, put it in my phone apps so that i will never wrong. Hm..tem posa lagi tu...ada cuti sem ka tu aa? ka bz kami mid term..mati la....have to check back  my schedule..

bah..busy ni main fairyland di facebook..hahaha...best....

see you..muahmuah!!

under construction...

BERSAWANG, ABUK 3 INCI...*sigh*

hi all...!!!! i'm fine, thank you...
what date is today?..wow..lamanya blog ini tidur....hibernasi mangkali....
nyway....i seem to lost my words of tought nowadays...why? dunno...maybe i became lazier to write as the days pass by..hm...

i think, quick update is fine...its been awhile i didn't blog hop...i miss all the updates from my blogger friends...

i'm enjoying my semester break now...and next month, i'll be in the third semester..5 semesters to go... hopefully i can pass tru...warkkk.....

quick update with nazwan: can say the word 'mama' already..but seem didn't know what is the meaning of it. if you feed him with food  he will say 'mamam' ..mama and mamam...the two words that he mastered...still babbling though...i say that it is his own way of communicating, eventhough i can never interpret the meaning...last week, went to see ENT to continue with his hearing test but this time, looks like the machine had problem and nazwan have to attend another appoinment next month. I am trying hard to teach Nazwan to talk, but yalah...kadang kadang dia buat dunno jak..*sigh*

trying to update this blog at least once a week but i failed...hahaha..apperently, after i bought the 'Charmed' series, i let myself indulged in it.?(betul ka tu ayat?) currently watching season 6...hehe...itu yang tidak main facebook, tidak buka blog...lagi teruk, i abandoned my SIMS family!!

and further more, my lappy seems to automaticly shut down!! punya la bah x syok...why arr? any suggestion? and solution?

bah..see you soon...
blog hop dulu

i'm still alive.....

hai kawan - kawan....penat saya sapu sawang hari ni...blog saya sudah berhabuk tahap dewa...almost a month i didn't update my blog....kononla...so apa la cerita?

Zuan masih belum pass hearing test..need to do it over and over  again sampai pass. Kenapa? sebab dia really sensitif sama spital...being sedated and fell asleep, but then bila lekat jak wayar trus bangun...adeh....... then tidak boleh sedate dua kali..nanti overdose..then have to have appointment every month. *sigh* i am quite sure now that he has autism...and i can asccept that. what worry me is that the hearing test. it must be quickly done so that Zuan can move on to another stage of test...after hearing test, there will be a speech test...then barulah mereka boleh pastikan apa step yang seterusnya. I really want to join the early intervention program at Cita-Cita centre...bagus juga kan if ada early intervention....tidak la teruk sangat nanti dia...

then my exam started yesterday..phonology ok lagi..mampu lagi mengarang..but the paper just now, macam penuh dengan karangan kosong...tekanan.....mummy minta sorry Zuan if mummy x dapat buat yang the best sem nie...banyak benda bah in my mind....

started my driving lesson sudah..rasa lucu buat parking....mati la..kasi rebah dua tiang aa...thinking of belajar parking tu lebih skit....time buat 3 penjuru boleh plak...

bah..itu jak la untuk sekarang ni..mau revise on psikologi plak....huhu...